Why Is It So Hard to Change?

High performing leaders do not struggle with clarity. They struggle with what clarity requires.

And yet, “I just need more clarity” is one of the most common things I hear.

They want clarity about the role, the strategy, the timing, the board. Clarity is their go-to excuse. It sounds rational, professional, and safe. It almost never works.

Most of the time, the problem is not knowing what to do. It’s facing what happens when you actually do it.

Neuroscience explains why. The brain treats threats to identity and social standing much like it treats physical pain. Acting on clarity often means risking control, certainty, approval, or status. Your nervous system interprets that as danger.

Add in loss aversion. Studies show losses hit roughly twice as hard as equivalent gains. Losing $1,000 hurts more than gaining $1,000 feels good. In the brain, the amygdala lights up for potential losses, signaling threat, while the prefrontal cortex flags it as urgent. This is part of our natural negativity bias. We are wired to pay more attention to potential harm than opportunity.

That is why leaders stall. It is not a failure of intelligence or strategy. It is an emotional calculation.

When someone tells me they are “stuck,” what I usually hear is this: I am unwilling to face the costs that real change demands.

Real change requires willingness. Willingness to sit in discomfort rather than escape it. To risk looking incompetent instead of protecting your image. To disappoint people instead of keeping everyone happy. To let parts of your old identity go instead of clinging to them.

The question is not “What should I do?”
The question is not only “What am I unwilling to lose?”
It’s also “What will I gain if I do it anyway?”

Answer these honestly and you will understand exactly why change feels so hard, and what it will take to actually make it happen.

That is where powerful coaching makes the difference. Coaching helps leaders articulate the gains that real change offers and see how those gains ultimately outweigh the losses they fear. It turns abstract risk into a clear calculation, giving leaders the confidence to act.