The Real Reason Why DEI Programs Flop
I’ve been in too many rooms where leaders champion DEI on the surface. They attend trainings, update company values, and bring in the right consultants. And yet… nothing really shifts.
Sure, there’s more language around inclusion. More optics. But the deeper dynamics stay intact.
Why?
Because most DEI programs are built for corporate comfort.
They teach tools, offer resources, and suggest behavior shifts, but they rarely touch the inner work we all need to do to dismantle what’s underneath: bias, fragility, defensiveness, and the quiet reluctance to let go of systems that benefit us.
A DEI Program That Went Deeper
I know this firsthand. I once designed a DEI program with two neuroscientists to go deeper than surface-level trainings. Our goal was to explore how racial bias is formed in the brain, to confront the uncomfortable truths about systemic racism, and to face how we are all complicit in perpetuating inequity.
The premise was simple but challenging: we cannot change systemic inequities until we first face how we participate in them.
The organization who asked for the proposal passed on the program.
Why?
They wanted something less science-heavy, more “palatable”—something that wouldn’t make the majority culture uncomfortable. The decision maker even suggested that people wouldn’t pay for a program that felt too uncomfortable. And yes, I even found myself tempted, at moments, to make it more “user-friendly.”
And that, right there, is emblematic of the problem: DEI programs are often crafted to keep the powerful comfortable, not to drive real transformation.
The Hard Truth About Inclusion
Here’s the hard truth: most of us aren’t willing to confront the part of ourselves complicit in the inequities we claim to oppose.
We want to be seen as allies without experiencing discomfort.
We want to support the cause without examining our role in the system.
We want to help others “grow” without growing ourselves.
But inclusion doesn’t happen through optics. It happens through honesty. Through courage. Through the uncomfortable but necessary process of looking inward and asking:
- Where am I still holding on to privilege, fear, or power?
- What am I unwilling to admit about how I show up in the world?
I’ll Go First
I know I benefit from being a “model minority” Asian American. Society stereotypes me as more educated, good at math, upper-class, obedient, and less likely to cause trouble. I don’t get stopped at airports. Police officers have never hassled me.
And here’s something harder to admit, yet still true: if I were walking down a dark alley and an unfamiliar Black man approached, I notice myself feeling more nervous than if it were a white man or an Asian man. It’s deeply uncomfortable to acknowledge, but it’s real.
Research shows that, in Western cultures, our brains often react with more fear to unfamiliar Black men than to other groups, even among Black participants themselves.
This is not about being a “bad person”, it’s about recognizing how implicit bias works. Many well-meaning people struggle to admit bias because it conflicts with their self-image as “good” and “not racist.”
It is that very unwillingness that keeps systemic racism in place and explains why DEI programs frequently miss the mark.
Learning Through Discomfort
Consider Jane Elliott, the educator behind the famous Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes exercise. She deliberately created discomfort by having students experience “superior” and “inferior” treatment based on eye color.
Critics argued her method was too harsh or confrontational. But that’s exactly the point: the backlash reveals how much people in the majority culture prefer DEI to be comfortable and palatable.
Real learning about bias and privilege requires facing discomfort, something most trainings avoid to protect the feelings of those with power. Elliott’s experiment illustrates the power of discomfort—and why DEI programs that prioritize comfort over confrontation often fail to create meaningful change. Her exercise was so impactful that we’re still talking about it decades later.
Real-Time Vulnerability
Even as I type this, I wonder if mentioning the Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes exercise is “too much” or “too polarizing.” I worry that admitting I’d feel more nervous about an unfamiliar Black man approaching me than a white or Asian man might upset people, especially my Black friends.
And that right there shows exactly why DEI often fails. Even as self-aware and inclusive as I try to be, my instinct is to make my anti-racist message comfortable and well-received. But that impulse, the desire to be palatable, is itself part of the problem. It’s a luxury, a privilege.
Until we recognize that our tendency to prioritize comfort over truth is rooted in privilege, we will continue to protect ourselves while the system, and those most harmed by it, stays unchanged. Real change starts when we sit in discomfort, face the inequities we benefit from, and confront how we are complicit in them, speaking truth even when it is uncomfortable, unpopular, and hard to accept about ourselves.
The Call to Real Action
Until DEI includes inner leadership work, the kind that gets messy, real, and human, organizations will continue to check boxes while cultures stay stuck.
We don’t need more polished presentations.
We don’t need more performative policies.
We need more brave people willing to look in the mirror.
If you’re ready to move past checkboxes and embrace the inner work that drives real equity, the time to start looking inward is now.
It’s time to admit that you don’t want to feel uncomfortable, that you don’t want to get triggered—and then to acknowledge out loud that this very resistance is exactly why you must do it.